Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

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Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  sailingmuffin on Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:58 pm

Hi All,

Right now, the headache is horrendous and nothing is touching it. I know that I am not a hundred percent right now, that I am not ok. However, I also get the feeling that Mom just wants me to hide till this is over. It is almost as she doesn't want to admit what is going on.

Earlier today, a decorator friend of my mothers came over to help us redo a room for excercise equipment. I spoke to the decorator and Mom for a little while, but once I gave her the dimensions, I got the signal to leave. This didn't really bother me at the time. However, later, Mom, Dad, and I were all in the kitchen. I was eating lunch, as was Mom, and Dad was telling us about lunch with my brother. I mentioned that this particular brother had a birthday coming up and we should think about what to do to celebrate it. Mom gave me this look, like "why would ou even mention that." Dad just said, we will take him out to dinner. I asked if this bothered Mom, she said, "well it is just that you are clearly not ok." Then she said- go upstairs. I replied I would as soon as I finished lunch. I finished, explained it was a headache and she told me to go upsatirs, take some medicine and consider the rest of the day a waste.

I know that the last few days have been hard, especially with the level of pain I have been experiencing, but this is really bothering me. In some ways, I think it might be easier for her not to see me in pain. But I hate hiding or being treated as if I am some sort of embarrasment who can't be seen.

Has this every happened to anyone else?

Pain free days,
sailingm
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Re: Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  Guest on Wed Aug 11, 2010 1:11 pm

wow sailing, that must have really hurt.

i don't like typing this, but i've never been treated that way. my dad does at times mention to me when i look like i'm going to pass out, or if i over do it, and give me a command. he's clearing doing it to prevent a bad scenario.

i did too much last night, and had a near syncopal episode and then had chest pain for a while--almost an ER night.

it is stressful too on those that are around sick people, but hey, they have to learn to deal with it. it's not as if you chose to be like this.

maybe a good sit-down conversation is in order with your mom.

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Re: Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  Jewishmother on Wed Aug 11, 2010 2:44 pm

I know sometimes that the people who are closest to me try to "protect" me from myself. When they think that I am trying to push through the migraine or even when they think that I am just not myself they want me to go lie down and rest........which a lot of times is not what I want to do! There are times when giving in to the migraine is the worst thing that I can do for myself emotionally.......I don't think they understand that.

My husband doesn't understand why I don't just want to go lie down. Lately too if I stumble over a word or repeat myself - he asks me if I have a migraine coming on - very frustrating cause sometimes it is just me forgetting a word and not a migraine.

I don't know what your mom is thinking.........maybe she is just trying to protect you. I know as I parent I do want to protect my children the best way I can. I guess it is our job to continue to educate those around us that we do know what we need to do........sometimes it is lying down in the dark and at other times it is continuing on with our day and pushing through. Hope you are feeling better. Leslie
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Re: Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  Paradox on Wed Aug 11, 2010 5:39 pm

I'm with Marc on this one. A non-dramatic air clearing. It has to be very difficult watching your child suffer and I'm sure what is coming through is her frustration at not knowing how to fix it rather than any frustration at you.

She probably doesn't realize that her frustration is coming across in a hurtful manner to you (and yes, I would have been hurt too).

Hugs...
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Re: Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  sailingmuffin on Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:16 pm

Hi All,

Thanks for the great advice and support. I talked to Mom later and asked if there was a problem or if she was mad. she wasn't. She was, however worried because she could tell that I felt horrible and just wasn't acting like myself. I think you are right in the whole protction thing. i usually push through the pain. so to told to lie down in the afternoon is unheard of. i really think she was probably just worrued.

pain free days
sailingm
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Re: Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  Guest on Wed Aug 11, 2010 10:32 pm

glad you hear you were able to talk with your mom sailing. its tough for everyone involved.

wishing you well.
mgb

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Re: Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  alli on Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:53 pm

I'm glad you were able to work that out with your mom. It's hard when our family tries to help and it comes out the wrong way. Every once in a while people close to me can read the signs and sometimes try to get me to lie down or rest when I really don't want or think I need to. On the off chance that she does it again, then maybe it is time to assess how you feel and whether maybe it would be a good idea to lie down.

I know they mean well but it still hurts. It's a good thing that you were able to clear the air.
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Re: Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  pen on Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:02 am

I have a different problem. All life goes on around me whilst I am stuck on the couch.
I feel pretty old and useless really.

So glad you talked Sailing....glad it worked out... Very Happy

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Re: Does your family or friends ever run away when the headache is bad?

Post  Cathy on Thu Aug 12, 2010 7:33 am

My mother always feels it's necessary to tell me to take my painkillers, lay down, use my ice packs, whatever. Like I've had these for 40 years and don't have sense enough to do all that. Then, no matter how many times I say don't call, she'll call in a few hours to check on me and if I've finally dozed off, she'll wake me up. If I take the phone off the hook she'll call my daughter and tell her to come and check on me and she refuses and just tells her I'm sleeping off the painkillers.

I think those around us just don't know how to deal with looking at us and seeing us in such pain. My mom has cried on the phone when she calls and I have one for about the sixth day in a row. My daughter gets them and I know the helplessness I feel wanting to help her get rid of them but I keep my mouth shut and just ask how I can help.

It's good you talked to her about it so you know in the future she's just trying to help in her own way.

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